the Maiden, the Mother and the Crone

Last year I started down a path to change my health. At the start of the journey, I didn’t really realize it would be one so emotional. I was determined to see that all that was aligning me was righted.

I was injured torn ACL in my knee this seemed straight forward, right.  I was injured and I needed to be fixed.  Unfortunately it was a slow process! Dr’s appointments, MRI’s, more appointments.  All the time limited in my movements and seriously feeling like I was tied down.  Stuck if you will, figuratively and literally.

Also I was suffering monthly with painful menstrual periods, so we might as well get everything done at the same time, if I was going to be spending the year in this zone of pain misery, let’s get as much taken care of as possible.

Most women can relate to the discomfort that comes along with our monthly “friend” , it is just something that we learn to deal with from an early age.  But I was stuck, gripped by pain that would literally stop my world from revolving every month.  It was like I was moving in a slow motion movie as I watched people around me moving at double speed.  The amount of drugs that I was take to dull the pain, dulled my senses and left me in a haze.  Even with all of that, I would awaken in the night screaming and crying from the pain, it penetrate even my dreams.  It was not a place that I could spend the next 10 years.  Stuck, held back by the body that wanted to love.

So again more doctor’s visits, and specialists, tests and procedures.  In April we opt’d for the less invasive Laparoscopy, D&C  and Endometrial ablation, the good news they could find nothing wrong. The bad news that all my symptoms were 10x worse after. Next I was getting ready for the big knee surgery, drilling, screws and scares.

Within a few short months I was back again, this time we were making a more serious decision.  At 42 it was time to end the pain and suffering and have a hysterectomy.

Now don’t get me wrong, over 20 years ago I made the decision to turn off the baby maker :) I had a tubal ligation, it was the smart, responsible thing to do after 4 kids.  A couple of time over the years, I had thought about the idea of more children, with IVF or tubal reversal.  But as I moved into my 40′s even that idea had slowly faded away.

When I started the process, I had firmly in my mind that I was ready to move on from the pain and suffering.  But theses are the physically details…

My mind was made up, I had reached the point where the pain of staying in my comfort zone was greater than moving forward.  I knew, I could feel with every bone in my body that I was not just making a physical change, but that I was taking a step forward in my personal transformation.  I instinctually  knew that I was holding in my womb all of the emotional pain that I had endured up until now.

For some reason out of the blue, I decided that I needed to listen to a WISH Summit recording from two years ago.  I was listening to Mary Morrissey and she was relating the story of how she can to understand the body-thought connection, while she was experiencing a severe kidney infection that required surgery.  She tells how a small sift in her thoughts, allowed all the negative emotions in her life to be removed with her kidney.  She went on to recover very quickly and begin her journey to discover why and how this worked.

I connected with the story right away… I knew that is what I needed to do.   I spent the next week intentional visualizing all the negative feelings and emotions, all that baggage from my earlier years. All that pain and hurt, I placed it all in my womb.  Waiting for the surgery.

I spent time thinking about how as women we are so connected to our wombs… to our babies makers, whether we decide to have children or not, it was what physically makes as a women.  I wondered if I would feel less of a women.  Thoughts circled in my head.  Worried rested in my heart.  But I spent time there, I spent time getting to know the feelings I was leaving behind.  I spent time…. learning to understand that now was the time to let that all go.  And allow my body to heal so that I could move forward.

Did I cry…. yes, but not for things lost, but for the intimacy with my true self with the knowledge that touched emotions long hidden. And that journey did not make me a weaker women, but a stronger one.  A women that can know and feel strong emotions and then let them go on the wind, the water, the air and into the earth… so that those emotions and feelings can be seeds for something greater.

Most know of the stories of the Maiden, the Mother and the Crone.  The Maiden is the story of fresh new beginnings. The Mother is the story of creation. And the Crone is transformation and wisdom.  I am eager to find my place as an Crone, an old wise women with much wisdom to share.  but I know that I am not done my experience as the Mother,  I may no longer have a physical womb with which I can create life, I have much left to fulfill.  I now create from my spiritual womb, where negative emotions and thoughts can no longer reside.  I create from a space of pure love and ultimate truth.

With a feeling of transcendence and enlightenment, I feel that I that I am empowered to call on all the forces of nature, wind, fire, air and earth to fill me with ideas, thoughts, causes… a story that can be heard by all women of every generation.  I feel that this is what the world needs to hear right now. Empowered women, allowing the universe to speak through them to teach all that will listen.

There are still many lessons I need to learn before I am ready to be that the Crone, Wise Women, but I intend to share my transformational story with everyone.

This is what I have learned so far:

  1. Everything is an opportunity to grown and learn
  2. There is an amazing body-thought process that happens
  3. We are not the circumstances we live, we can always decide how we will react
  4. Evolution and transformation are part of our life journey
  5. There is always more!

 

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Comments

      • says

        As a woman of 60 living in a sehowmat conservative smaller city and having started to gray in my late 20′s, i so enjoy these interview questions with women from larger metropolitan areas that always seemed freer to explore with fashion than i believed we were here…..However, as i age i have come to realize that the whole fashion thing is about the individual, not the environment so much!i have never colored my hair and it is the subject of great conversations with women that always start out with “well if my hair would gray like yours, i would consider not coloring my hair”….i’m a bit on the chubby side, so wrinkles are just becoming noticeable on my face, etc., but i figure i have earned each wrinkle and it’s not the end of the world.It’s all a process and for the most part i am enjoying it with all my friends, both younger and older, at my side.

      • says

        Hi Francie — I created most of the Circle’s fomrat and rituals myself but they are definitely based on what I have learned over the years in other people’s Circles. All the songs and chants I have learned from others or from recordings.

  1. says

    I also enjoyed reading a nice person post. I am a few years past menopause. Though I definitely feel the strong transformation, a need to now share my wisdom, uncover my legacy, the maiden and the mother will always remain as a part of who I am.
    Priska´s last blog post ..Blogging Boomers are Blooming.

  2. says

    Thanks for sharing this, Lori. I had a hysterectomy when I was 42, also. Before the surgery, I didn’t really think much of what it would be like to be without all of my “parts.” But afterwards, I remember feeling kind of lost. I wondered who I would be in this new body.

    Menopause brings its share of frustrations and laughs, but I have enjoyed it and also am leaning into the adventure of Crone-dom. As a matter of fact, I’m reading a delightful little book right now by Jean Shinoda Bolen called “Crones Don’t Whine.” I highly recommend it!
    Bobbi Emel´s last blog post ..Newtown, Connecticut: Grief, meaning, and the questions before us

    • says

      I am looking forward to the different phase of the mother, moving into the crone. I think it will be very interesting.

      that sounds like a very fun book! I am going to put it on my list for sure.

      • says

        Ari, when I first stumbled onto your blog- beuscae I was wondering if there were any street style blogs covering the older peeps (I had just shot a few stylish ladies on the sly for my now defunct street style experiments) I was beside myself. The quality of photos plus the amazing current style of the gents and ladies you photographed blew me away. I discovered some of my faves from your blog- The Style Crone being one of them…and so to see you mention my +40 Blog Roll feels like such a wonderful gift- thank you for sharing my blog roll with your readers. And THANK YOU for sparking this style revolution with your great eye, great photos and positive message! xoxoxo! -Bella Q

      • says

        Thanks Debra. It sounds so wonferdul. When i get over this move thing I’ll go back and read some of the other links because I’m curious where your rituals originated. Or did your circle plan them??

    • says

      I like the second lady’s cemmont about aging: “we have a detente.” Made me laugh out loud. I will be 62 in a couple of weeks and I’ve reached a truce with aging too. My doctor (75 and going strong – walks to work every day) recently told me: “we’re lucky to be old!” Since I lost my best friend at age 14, another dear friend before she was 60 and my father at age 56: I do indeed feel lucky to be old – but nobody’s old unless they allow themselves to be! This is a wonderful blog full of great insight and attitudes! I’m so happy to have found you.

    • says

      it saved her life, I can see what she means by that.I have hinted at the Hubs to buy me a drum for Christmas..if he doesn’t I;m mirhcang myself down to get it myself. I love how drumming makes me feel.

  3. says

    Lori,

    This is a wonderful and personal story. I had to make this decision at 36, but have to admit I didn’t give a thought to my missing parts…ever. I have not missed my monthly ‘friend’ nor the discomfort that came along with it. I’ve actually felt extremely free since then.
    Kathy McHenry´s last blog post ..Setting and Reaching Goals

      • says

        Ideologues of any stripe are all the same: I rsfuee to listen to something that I might not like.Fun fact: the lefties are just as outraged by this movie as the righties, outraged about how friendly it is to her and makes her look too good. Tells you something about both the right wing and left wing critics of the movie. A lot, in fact.Thatcher would have been one of the first to deride the type of cult of personality and demogoguery shown by righties refusing to watch this movie. She was a tough lady and could take anything, unlike her followers.

      • says

        Hi Francie and anyone else who wants to know more info about my dmimrung circle — clicking on the link in the first line of this post will take you to an older post with basic info about the Circle, or if you want to see all my posts about the Circle, just click on “Drumming” in the Label line at the end of the post or over on the blog’s right hand column Label Cloud.

  4. says

    This is a beautiful piece of writing, Lori! I never thought of letting go of difficult emotions after thoroughly feeling them as a sign of strength but you are absolutely right. It’s a very difficult thing to let go of such emotions instead of defining yourself by them. To trust that they can be “seeds for something greater” takes great courage.
    Colleen´s last blog post ..What If It Was Easy? (or Smiling’s My Favourite!)

      • says

        Hi Debra,Wow… that is so cool. It must be wonderful to be a part of a Women’s Drumming and Goddess Chanting Circle and have it last 10 years and still going sortng. I had a women’s study circle for about 6 months but then everyone went their own way. People heading off for college and some were getting married. This was a long while ago. I have often thought of starting something up again but I simply don’t know how to do it or how to make it interesting enough to keep it going.I think what you have is incredibly special. May it continued to be blessed and keep going sortng.Bright blessings,Bird

      • says

        Fantastic post, Tess!! I love the way you are approaching this (and am itgeinurd by that thought that respect for elders may have a psychological aspect resistance making menopause so much harder interesting!!)I am not there yet but I love what you say about thinking of it as burning off the old to make way for the new. Awesome. I’m doing a parasite cleanse at the moment which has been physically and emotionally really difficult. Not least because it has been a voluntary going backwards to go forwards in terms of health, but it’s made me feel so bad toxic, etc. But I too have been trying to approach those symptoms as burning off old negativities as well as making my body a rather nice ecosystem for everything to live in.Good stuff. I look forward to reading others’ comments Sue recently posted..

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